In it for the long haul...

I've been putting a lot of thought into this 'project.' I desperately want need this to work this time. No more yo-yo dieting or use of 'weight loss aides.' All those things do is shoot your self steam up with short term results then let it fall to the floor with the long term. All that really does is encourage your failings at losing weight and you end up right where you began: over weight and unhappy. I don't want to be that person any more!

I want to be happy again. I want to love and accept myself for who I am. And I don't respect myself for being this weight! I know I can do better than this. I know because I've been there before. When I was in high school I dropped something like 40-50 pounds. I think I bottomed out at 135-140, but it was for the sake of my heath. I mastered the skill of not eating in order to reach that point. Although I went about it the entirely wrong way, I do know from that experience that it is possible for my body to reach that weight. It will be a lot harder this time because of several factors: I'm older, the weight's been there longer, I don't have the resources I've had in the past, my schedule works against me. But I'm going to stand up against all of those and prove to myself that I can find a happy place within myself.

One of my biggest fears is to show up to my 10 year high school reunion weighing more than I did when I graduated. I wore a size 12 when I graduated. I borderline a 20 now. WOAH. That reunion is not as far off in the future as it once was. I can't believe I graduated from high school 6 years ago. There's also my wedding that is on an undetermined date, 2009. I want to feel like a princess on that day. Isn't that ever woman's dream? I won't feel confident if I continue on the path I'm currently on.

So it's time. To do this. It's time to change. Myself. And my ways.