Holding up

Man I felt like crud today. I could barely bring myself out of bed this morning. I felt no drive to do anything to do with healthy living. I honestly didn't eat much today, but what I ate wasn't exactly the best choices, minus the salad, carrots, and hummus I ate after my walk (think: doritos, banana bread, chocolate chips, and more banana bread). I think part of my blah-ness had to do with getting to bed late last night (damn dorito's quest!) and not going on a walk yesterday. I finally got around to doing my first ab workout of the week. AT 6:45 pm. The workout I chose was a bit too advanced for me, so I just ended up doing my old school crunch routine from my college days. I do however feel 10 fold better after the fact. That just goes to show that working out does more than shape your body, it shapes your mood, too! I think next week I might mix up my walks with a little cardio on the t.v. I'm not sure what my exact goals will be. All I know is that I sit too much on my rump during the day!

I can't wait until my new battery and arm band arrive for my Creative Labs Zen Micro. It sure will make working out a little bit easier. I just hope the new battery is all it needs to work. Otherwise I think I may have to invest in a new mp3 player *crosses fingers* and I really don't need another thing to buy!

It's not getting any easier

Grrr Emilie brought me burger ville for lunch today. That means it's only the second day into the week, and I can't have fast food for the rest of it. I guess this is a reminder that every week is going to be different and that just because the previous week was easy doesn't mean this one will be. But really, in any weight loss program the second week is always harder, at least it is for me. This is the point at which I usually fall off the band wagon. Not this time though, as tough as it may get, I owe this to myself. I'm going to stick with it. I have too. I'm in a race with myself and I'm determined to beat that "other side." I can honestly say my life depends on it. It's really not my goal in life to die at 45 with a heart attack and type II diatebes. Perhaps a little over exagerated, but heart disease runs in the family, and so does high cholesterol. My grandfather died last year with heart disease, type II, and advanced emphysema. My mother also had a small heart attack in her mid forties. I do not want to that to be my fate.

Begin Week 2

Wow! I can't believe I lost 2 1/2 pounds in the first week! I really didn't expect that. Who knew simply talking 5, 1/2 hour walks and significantly decreasing eating out would help me lose that.

Week 1 goal: accomplished!
Month 1 goal: so far so good! I gave in to Taco Bell yesterday, while running errands, the only time I ate fast food last week.

So, lets move on to week 2: incorporate 3, 10 minute ab workouts while maintaining my 5, 30 minute walks. Now that we have cable again, I can access FitTV on demand, which has many different workouts to choose from, including ab workouts.

My reward will be a tall nonfat sugar free, hazelnut mocha from Starbucks. Mmm that sounds so good! I haven't picked out my flowers for accomplishing my goal for week 1. I should make a point to do that today.

Even though I still feel tired, although I think that could have a direct relationship with sleeping patterns of late, I do feel as though I have more energy. I'm doing better with keeping up with household maintenance, which is something I'm not all that great at. Mostly because I'm too lazy to do it. But I'm learning that there's something to say about having a clean and organized home. It's actually a lot easier to be lazy and more enjoyable to sit back because when i look around I see clean and organized instead of clutter and messiness. I love that I know where things are when I go to look for them. You know I read somewhere that there is a correlatoin between people's messy homes and their weight. As you can imagine, they found that people with messy and cluttered homes had a tendency to be over weight. My question is, what came first, the messiness or being over weight? I've been obese since I was 5. I do remember that growing up, my room was overwhelmingly messy. Really, though, I think the point they were trying to make is when we let ourselves go in one faucet of our lives, we have a tendency to let ourselves go in all faucets of our life. On the other side of that, I think that if you start to pull yourself together with say, exercising, everything else falls into to place as well. You start to take care of every part of your life. You find the motivation for everything, not just one thing. That's not to say it happens over night, but I've noticed that every day I put more effort in another thing that I previously did not. In the end, I think you want your surroundings to match your life style. If you feel you have it all together, you want your life look put together.

Alright, I think it's time to get off my butt and go for a walk. Happy week 2!

Blah.

Well today was fairly uneventful. I had the day off, as we were supposed to be going on a big camping trip, but it got canceled due to the cruddy weather. I ended up sitting on the couch the majority of the day and watching tv/fiddling with my wii. I didn't go on a walk. It rained most of the day and was cooold. Although I did talk my self out of DQ again. We were leaving D & Em's after dinner/poker and I brought it up with T. I said that if we went tonight we wouldn't be able to the rest of the weekend. I really wanted it but I made the executive decision and decided not to in case we find ourselves in a position that we don't have a choice. I am very proud of myself to come to this conclusion. The old me would say oh well, but the new me says plan ahead. You can have a fudge-cicle when you get home. Can you tell I'm craving DQ hard core? It's mostly because we don't have sonic and its the next best thing. I haven't been this close to a DQ since I left KC. That's almost 2 years! I know eventually I'm going to give into my craving. I can't stop thinking about it...I just have so many good memories attached to that particular item. Most of them are associated with my sister, but there are also a few involving friends in high school. You know those ones that actually don't involve drama or hard feelings. Just pure happiness.

I digress.

I still have 2 more days to get in my walk. Maybe I should walk to the grocery store to buy my flowers. Does that work? It's probably about 15-20 minutes one way...so if I walk there and back, I'll rock it! Sweet!

Just a side note, I just watched this older guy play a turkey baster on Jay Leno. I mean play. Similar to this minus the "over the shoulder bastor holder": Musical Turkey Bastor.

One step closer

So far, so good. I've completed 4 out of 5 walks, with 3 more days left! Today I even walked in the rain. Mind you, it hadn't rained all day until I went outside to take a walk! But I forged through, baby and all.

Don't misunderstand my eating well. I'm only eating better. I am eating a balanced meal versus a bag of doritos. I eat 2 seperate snacks in the afternoons. (Hey, T hasn't been home before 8:30 3 out of 4 nights this week!) I sneak silly things. I still eat too much cheese (I ate an extra slice while preparing my lunch today) and find things like bags of gherradeli milk chocolate chips in my "baking cupboard." But! I did make it through the grocery store tonight with out picking up a "snack" as I often do. I admit it here and now. I often hunt down the perfect "cheat" when I'm at the grocery store. This usually happens when I shop hungry. I will scour the bakery or cookie isle or check out lane to find that one sweet chocolaty thing that will quench my craving. My favorite? The fresh chocolate éclairs from the the bakery. Or a pack of Oreo cakesters. Those are pretty much a little piece of heaven. Today though, I made it out of there with out them. I bought a can of Pillsbury orange cinna rolls, with the excuse of T's dad coming. Gotta make sure we keep Big B happy! Naw, I just thought it would be a nice treat for everyone and T is always begging asking for them. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. Hey, at least I had a coupon!

Ugh. That's really what this whole thing is about, well at least half of it, anyway. It's all excuses. I can't do this because of this. Why do this today when I can do it tomorrow. I need this because...I didn't do it yesterday, who should I do it today (or I ate this yesterday, why not today?) You get the idea. All that combined with the emotional/confidence factor is a recipe for disaster. You saw those pictures, I posted right? That's exactly where you end up, and I don't ever want to be there again!

I decided to change the reward for my weekly goal. Who needs nail polish when there are beautiful fresh cut flowers? I would much rather have a beautiful bouquet on my new kitchen table to gaze at than paint on my nails! Flowers make me happy and that's what I really need in my life right now! Though I should do some research and find out what are some hearty local flowers around here.

This whole reward system is kinda hard to pin down. We're still trying to iron out the kinks. Nugget and I discussed it and and came to the conclusion that coffee (ie: starbucks, coffee bean) and smoothy (jamba juice, juice stop) shops do count as rewards as long as we stick with the smallest option (tall, 12 oz, etc) and make it healthy like non fat or sugar free.

I'm so impatient! I want to see where I'm at at day 28. I want to reward myself with that flat iron! I think I may actually be having fun with this. Oh, and I haven't eaten out once this week! I'm trying really hard to make a home cooked meal every night. In a moment of weakness I almost succumbed to my chocolate covered cherry in chocolate ice cream blizzard craving from Diary Queen, but I turned the opposite direction and drove to a park to take a walk instead. Did I mention that my moment of weakness was due to my inability to find the store i was looking for? I often give in to the dark side out of frustration, anger or shame.

Wow, every time I try to wrap up this post, I think of something else. Alright. I'm over and out.

Finally, pictures!

I'm definitely in a better mood today, than yesterday. Though the baby sure was trying my patience this morning. I had Tony snap a few pics last night as we were going to bed. He wasn't at all excited about it...he had just laid down when I caught him off guard. Oops! I took a few myself just now, standing in front of the mirror.


These are not great my any means! But they're the best I could do.

Side View

Front View

Saggy Arm!


Sleepy Man

Ick, look at those big stretch marks! I'm so ashamed of them. Most of the upper ones are new this year. Yikes. Just looking at those pictures disgusts me. How can I love myself when I think I look disgusting?

I've made it to the third day. So far, so good. After a phone call from Nugget yesterday, we decided that since it was the first month, we were allowed one mistake. But after that, no rewards! Speaking of rewards, I keep forgetting to post mine!

Week 1: new nail polish
Month 1: a flat iron for my hair

These are things I wouldn't ordinarily buy for myself. I really really want a flat iron, I've never had one, and I think I wouldn't hate my hair so much if I used one. As for the nail polish, I thought that would be fun (and maybe prevent me from biting my nails)!

Although I wasn't going to work too hard at eating better this month, I find myself doing it naturally. I think it's mostly because I want to succeed, and I do enjoy fruits and vegetables. Probably more than the average person, actually. Being a veggie and understanding nutrition, I have come to love eating them. I don't think I've met a fruit or veggie I don't like. I take that back. I don't like the Asian pears. Those were just weird. I still eat a lot of carbs though. They're just so yummy in my tummy! One thing at a time, Katie, one thing at a time.

Day 2

Day 1 went awesome! I took the baby for a half hour walk around the block and the weather was great (not too hot). At least it wasn't too hot outside. Our apartment is a whole other story!

I wasn't able to get the pictures taken because FH got home late and by the time dinner eaten and cleaned up, it was 9:30. Or plop on the couch time. We gotta get it done tonight, though. I'm already on day 2 and I want the pictures to be true to my start weight.

I did take my measurements this morning, though. That's a hard task when you don't have someone to do it for you, like when you're getting fitted for say a wedding dress ;). It's hard to determine the exact position of your waist, hips, etc when you're looking down. Here they are:

Waist=44" Arms=16"
Apex=52.25" Chest=41.25"
Hips=53.5" Breasts=47.5"
Thighs=29.75" Under breasts=42.5"

I'm defining the "apex" as the midpoint between waist and hips, aka, around the belly roughly across the belly button. I mostly did this because there's just so much fat on my body and I wanted to be as accurate as possible. I realized halfway that I was holding my breath, and therefore sucking it in a bit so I had to start over again. Like I said, it was a frustrating task when you do it yourself.

I quit saying my affirmations at some point last night while falling asleep and today I'm feeling it. I guess thats just more proof of why their worth it. I feel groggy, it was hard to wake up, etc. Which will undoubtedly leave me in a grumpy and impatient mood through out the day. Perhaps i should set a goal at some point to incorporate night time and morning affirmations into my day. But the whole point of this program is to set small goals in an effort to not overwhelm ourselves. Too much too soon seems to be a major pitfall for us.

Oh, and I made a new ticker because the website I was using didn't seem to work correctly. I bought a digi scale at target the other day because our old analog didn't seem to be calculating accurately. I apparently don't weigh 230, so I have 90.5 lbs to lose, not 100. Is it weird that I was disappointed I only had 90 to go? I liked the way 100 pounds lost, sounded!




I hope that works!

Here we go!

Day 1, Week 1, Month 1

That was fun to say!

I'm going to start this program optimistically with a sprinkling of realism. I had a hard time choosing a goal for month 1. Since we're just getting started and I would rather not set myself up to feel that I've failed in the 1st month, I'm not going to choose a number, but rather a habit. I was originally going to focus soley on getting my butt moving this month and eating next month, but I decided to mix it up a bit. So are you ready to hear my goals?

Month 1 Goal: Limit fast food intake to once a week.
Week 1 Goal: Go on a 30 minute walk 5 days out of 7

We ate fast food A LOT this weekend. Heck we've been going a little crazy with easy access to burger king and taco bell since we've moved up here (which are pretty much the only veg-head friendly joints out there). With Tony's dad coming on Friday and my family coming in June, it will be a challenge. It will take a little planning ahead, but I'm ready to take it on. As far as going on walks is concerned, I don't think it will be a problem. I have to get used to the fact it rains here. A lot. And if I want to get some activity outside I have to get used to doing that in the rain. It's supposed to rain off and on all week, but at least it will be in the 60's. Which will be refreshing after the 98 degree days . We bought a car seat and snap n go stroller over the weekend which will make it that much easier to get outside. No excuses!

I will try to post pictures and measurements tonight, after the FH gets home from work. If not, they'll be up tomorrow morning.

In it for the long haul...

I've been putting a lot of thought into this 'project.' I desperately want need this to work this time. No more yo-yo dieting or use of 'weight loss aides.' All those things do is shoot your self steam up with short term results then let it fall to the floor with the long term. All that really does is encourage your failings at losing weight and you end up right where you began: over weight and unhappy. I don't want to be that person any more!

I want to be happy again. I want to love and accept myself for who I am. And I don't respect myself for being this weight! I know I can do better than this. I know because I've been there before. When I was in high school I dropped something like 40-50 pounds. I think I bottomed out at 135-140, but it was for the sake of my heath. I mastered the skill of not eating in order to reach that point. Although I went about it the entirely wrong way, I do know from that experience that it is possible for my body to reach that weight. It will be a lot harder this time because of several factors: I'm older, the weight's been there longer, I don't have the resources I've had in the past, my schedule works against me. But I'm going to stand up against all of those and prove to myself that I can find a happy place within myself.

One of my biggest fears is to show up to my 10 year high school reunion weighing more than I did when I graduated. I wore a size 12 when I graduated. I borderline a 20 now. WOAH. That reunion is not as far off in the future as it once was. I can't believe I graduated from high school 6 years ago. There's also my wedding that is on an undetermined date, 2009. I want to feel like a princess on that day. Isn't that ever woman's dream? I won't feel confident if I continue on the path I'm currently on.

So it's time. To do this. It's time to change. Myself. And my ways.

Start

So here's the deal. A friend (who wishes to remain anonymous) and I have decided to create our own weight loss program. Each week we will be setting 1 goal for ourselves as well as one goal a month. Our reward system will be contingent on meeting our weekly and monthly goals. No reward shall be in the form of food. Our goals can be anything that revolves around weight loss/exercise/food and any other thing that involves healthy living. Most weeks our goals will be different from each other but our ultimate goal is the same: lose the weight, keep it off.

I'll try to post my weight loss ticker with my weekly updates.
http://www.tickercentral.com/view/9pmq/1.png

I hope you follow me on my journey to lose 100 pounds.

You can find Nugget's blog here: nuggets weight loss quest