To soy or not to soy...

What happened to last week? Well, to update on my goals, my weekly goal was the same as the week before and my monthly goal was to eat no fast food. Both were accomplished with out any issues.

I've been doing a lot of research pertaining to consumption of soy based products. The evidence I've found so far is striking. Did you know that soy can block your thyroid from functioning properly, leading to a slow metabolism, and weight gain. It contains enzymes that actually block the absorption of protein and other nutrients, which can lead to mal-nourishment. The phyto-estrogen it contains can also fuel breast cancer. Not to mention that soy based infant formulas can cause early sexual maturation in girls, producing menstrual periods as young as 6 years old! You can find a lot of information on this page, a blog with some general information and links, an article called Soy myths, and a another article that thoroughly breaks down the science of it.

Wow! Pretty compelling stuff...as you can imagine, I will be slowly fading out all of the products in our home containing soy (amazing how many are out there!) and introducing almond and coconut milk, coconut and hemp oil, and possibly even palm shortening. I found a great site that sells every thing coconut. You can find it here. They also have some good information about the consumption of coconut oil and how it actually helps your thyroid regulate you metabolism. Here is a lengthy discussion on the benefits of primarily using coconut oil, and a page full of useful resources. I tell you what, as a vegetarian, removing soy from my diet is no easy feat, by any means. I've also removed eggs from my diet. Though, I think I would be willing to add them back in if they were from my own chickens, which wouldn't happen until we had a house of our own.

So, as anticipated, my goal for this next week (8/24-30) is to complete 5, 30 minute sessions of activity. Right before we were going to go on our weekly Sunday bike ride, it started rain and has been off and on all evening. Starting my week off with exercise really jump starts my routine. Now I have to put a little more effort to make sure I fit in all 5 with only 6 days left.

Ok, off to bed with me.

Move along now, little doggy. Move along.

As quick as the summer has gone by, this past month feels as though it crawled. I would be kidding myself (not to mention lying!) if I said I completed my monthly goal ending August 12 (I can't believe that's tomorrow!). The actual going to bed by 11:30 p.m. has not drug me down a bit. I just can't get out of bed by 8:25 a.m. Within the last 2 weeks, this task has gotten harder every day. The only thing I can attribute to this issue is that I am still having a hard time falling asleep quickly. With that said, I've been plagued by this problem since I can remember. One of many biological issues I can attribute to my granny (also, anxiety and mild depression, oh and writing poetry). I can say with much certainty, though, my not falling asleep can be chalked up to the increased stress over our current finances.

Moving along. Moving along. I know I said I was ready to add another day to my weekly workouts. I was thinking the other day that I should probably go ahead add one more 5 minute increment before moving up to 5 days a week. It would lesson the burden, I think.

Week of 8/10-8/16: Complete 30 minutes of continuous activity 4 out 7 days.

Month of 8/13-9/12: Consume absolutely no fast food, what so ever. Even if others offer to purchase it for you. I have a feeling this is going to be a hard task to complete. But I'm up to the challenge. If you remember right, I have completed a similar goal at the beginning of this quest. I need to one up myself!

I'm so glad we bought those bikes. As badly as our finances are this month, I feel it was worth the price. Saturday we went on an evening ride, taking the bike loop west, towards down town. On the way back we stopped to pick wild blackberries, which grow in overabundance in these parts. I'm still not riding far, but I feel awesome afterwards. I bet it will be easier once I get a more comfy seat on there. But that isn't going to happen any time soon. With that said, I am thoroughly enjoying the variety of workouts I'm able to complete now. No getting bored over here!

Now I need to drag myself away from the couch (love love love the Olympics!) and do some work around here!




(Anyone else notice I'm parenthesis happy today?)

Wholesome Me

I've successfully completed week 3 of Weight Loss Quest 2.0! I finally found a bike on c-list and purchased it yesterday. We had to take it to a local bike shop to have the inner tube of the back tire replaced for a measly $14. Eventually I'll need to replace the wheel and rear brakes, but for the time being the bike will serve it's purpose. We took our bikes to Gresham City Park, were a portion of the 40 mile bike loop cuts behind the park. The loop itself cuts behind our apartments, (if you take a look at the map, we live off of 174th Ave and Powell Blvd, just to the left of Powell Butte Nature Park, we're we have hiked a few trail heads) but unfortunately the route to the east is under construction until Sept. 15th. One night this week we should pick the loop up to the west and head towards downtown. I can't wait for the day I can begin and complete the whole loop!

This week's goal will be the same as last weeks. I'm actually biting at the bit to incorporate an additional day of physical activity! I didn't know that I was capable of such a thing! I'm going to stick with 4, 25 minute sessions of activity as to not over whelm myself, but I'm excited for next week when I get to make that 5, not 4!

I really am feeling more up beat the past week or so. For awhile there, my outlook on life was bleak and menacing. I haven't felt quite that low since I was in high school. I'm thankful though, that it was only situational depression, not chronic. Though I have been known to suffer from seasonal affective disorder. Which I'm sure can get pretty sever living in the Pacific Northwest. However, I'm feeling confident that my urge to achieve and maintain regular physical activity will help keep this at a minimum. Not to mention, the more active I become, the social I will want to be. Though for the time being, I've kept my social activities to a minimum.

I realized last week, after finding some really awesome vegetarian blogs, that a portion of my weight gain is more than likely attributed to my increased consumption of processed foods. There was a point (late college years) that I kept that a minimum. Ever since T and I began dating, and moved into together, along with the hike in consumer prices, we've relied more and more on processed foods. This week I'm putting a stop to all that. I bought a ton of gains from the bulk food section at Winco, including unprocessed quinoa, oatmeal, couscous, pastas, raw sugar, unbleached flour, and whole wheat flour to name a few. I came up with an awesome breakfast muffin recipe with dried apricots and crushed pineapple. I dropped boxed cereal and am going to try really hard to not eat granola bars. Though I do buy them for T, because it is a good on the go, low protein snack for him. I'm also going to reduce the amount of dairy I consume. I'm working hard to eliminate eggs in my baking. I'm working on a vegan version of those muffins. As soon as I master the recipe, I will post it here. I am also trying to reduce the amount of cheese I eat. I'm sure this is also attributing factor. I want to make as many things as I can instead of buying the prepackaged version. I'm hoping it will be cheaper and cut back on packaging waste. I bought a frozen pizza during my weekly shopping trip purely from habit, even though I have a quick and simple crust recipe I could make myself! It will be hard to break those old habits but I want to create a wholesome, unprocessed, fresh food environment. I think my biggest struggle will be creating easy snacks instead buying a box of something. Hmm time to go research recipes.

Oh and I lost 1.5 pounds last week. Nice, slowly, steady weight loss. I gotta keep this up!


Note: I gained 5 pounds during my hiatus and changed the parameters of the scale accordingly.

Take joy in running the race, not trying to win it.

I don't know why I keep avoiding writing a new post. It's not like I've quit or not completed goals. I've been on my computer all week. Why haven't I written, yet?

In any case, I completed last week's goal and am holding steady for my monthly goal. I'm proud of myself! I dropped the reward system. I can't tell if it was working, but anyhow I should be able to do this from motivation from inside myself, not material stimuli. Although, my behavior modification professors would say other wise. It's ok to give yourself a reward, but we are tight tight tight on funds and I just can't always justify spending the money in my head. I do really really need new hiking/running shoes because mine hurt my feet and don't support my high arch properly. I found a decent pair at a discount store, but that was months ago. Maybe they still have 'em. I'll try to check it out mid August. This pay check is purely for rent and bills.

My goal for this week was to complete 25 minutes of physical activity 4 out 7 days. So far so good! I only have one session left to do and will more than likely complete it today. Next week will be the same goal, as I'm trying increase time and number of days at a slow pace. Mostly every 2 weeks. Ultimately I would like to achieve 60 minutes, 6 out 7 days. But like I said, that won't happen over night. I am enjoying my time outdoors as well as not pushing myself so far that I give up to quickly. I am building confidence. That gray cloud hanging over my head has shifted slightly. I really needed that. I needed to feel a little more like myself.

T and I are trying to buy mountain bikes. Well, he already found his, but it seems women's bikes are few and far between. We're using the cash from selling his old truck to the junk yard. We also used it to buy a new blender from costco. That dang pos of mine got on my last nerve. I haven't had a chance to try the new one out yet, but I'll be all of it tomorrow!

Check out this article. It gave me a little reassurance in rewriting the rules.

the engine's still humming

I reached my goals for last week! Well almost. I'm struggling with the wake up time, I just can't get out of bed by 8:20. It's always between 8:23 and 8:25. So I'm going to tweak it. I have to be up and out of bed by 8:25. Amazingly enough, now that I set a bed time for myself, I'm finding that I actually going to bed sooner than 11:30. That's pretty darned awesome!

I struggled getting in the 20 minutes of exercise, but I did it (even though I procrastinated half way through the week)! I'm going to stick with this goal one more week before adding to it.

Meanwhile I'm still struggling with the internal battle of my mind. I've found myself at the bottom of the barrel. I can remember the last time the clouds lifted and I actually felt like myself, sometime in the early spring, pre-Portland. I want that day back. I want that feeling back. I want to feel alive again.

Rewriting the Rules

deep breath.

I've left this thing hanging in the dark. It seems the past 2 weeks I've reverted to my old ways. I didn't take any walks. I sat on my ass being lazy. It seems to be my middle name these days. But I did take advantage of the time off with my mom to do a lot of thinking about this blog. About myself. About this process. I realized I learned so much about myself.

First of all, after analyzing the food diary and paying more attention to my bodies cues, I've come to many conclusions. I crave chocolate in the late afternoons or evenings. I get the munchies in the afternoons (ie-i like to snack). I like to snack while I'm cooking (this is a major problem).

Second, I concentrated too much on the weight loss than the act of becoming more healthy. This should be my ultimate goal. When I've become completely in tune with my body and have accomplished being wholly healthy, the weight loss will follow. Ignoring this is one of my biggest downfalls.

Third, I've come to realize that the weekends are my biggest downfall. I have a seriously strong compulsion to slack on the weekends. I exercise less, I eat fewer fruit and vegetables, I eat out more (who doesn't, right?) and am over all less motivated.

Lastly, I over stepped my own limits. I took on too much too soon. I got too caught up and added new elements when I wasn't ready for them. By doing this I got overwhelmed, shut down and couldn't reach the goals I set for myself. I set myself up to fail.

With all that said, I'm ready to take a new step forward and do this again. Start from scratch and learn from my mistakes. I'm going to take responsibility for myself and stop ignoring my body, and mind. My weeks will begin on Sunday and end on the following Saturday. I think dividing up my weekends will make it less over whelming. I am now only allowed to weigh myself once a week. Not every day. Not every other day. In Weight Watchers you're the only weigh in that counts is the one done at the weekly meetings. So for me, only Sunday mornings am I allowed to step on that scale. If I by chance forget to do so, I am allowed to do it Monday morning. But no more than once a week. Now, onward to my goals.

Weekly goal (7/13-7/19): Participate in 4, 20 minute sessions of ongoing activity that raises my heart rate. I know this is less than what I was doing before, but as I said before, I want to start slow. I will add to this, but slowly.

Monthly goal (7/13-8/12): Maintain a regular sleep schedule. Be in bed no later than 11:30 pm. Set the alarm for 8:00 am. Be out of bed no later than 8:20 am, 5 out of 7 days. No more all nighters, even on weekends. Even if I don't fall asleep shortly after going to bed. Getting my body on a regular sleep schedule gives it the opportunity to be fully rested and ready to take on the day. No surprises. If I get a regular sleep schedule down, the more productive I'll be during the day.

It's time to take charge. Of my life. Of myself.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Though I have neglected, I will be back. Very, very shortly. Apparently a 2 1/2 week house guest (aka my mom) can lead me astray. Expect a big 'on Sunday. I have much to say.

Food Diary- day 6

• bagel w/ cream cheese
• 1 c fritos chips (mmm salt)
• 6 in veggie sub with roasted red pepper, diet soda
• smoothie made w/ the usual suspects +plus fresh raspberries from the farmers market!
• ~8 whole wheat waffle dippers, home made potatoes o'brien w/ onions & green peppers & cheese, honey dew, pineapple, peaches
• 2/3 package (movie theater size) twizzlers
  

Food Diary-5

• bagel with cream cheese
• 1 c amy's organic white cheddar mac and cheese, lots of honey dew, mixed salad w/ cherry tomatoes and FF dressing
• (from scracth) mixed grain pizza with black beans, salsa and cheese
• orange cream sicle

Food Diary-Day 4

• bowl of whole grain cheerios with soy milk
• coffee w/ splenda and FF half and half
• 1/2 c left over sloppy joe, 1 slice multi grain bread, 2/3 c peas w/ a dallop of smart balance spread, 2/3 c no sugar added peaches
• smoothie w/ orange, banana, 5-6 strawberries, ice cubes, 1/2 c LF vanilla yogurt
• whole wheat pasta w/ part skim ricotta, spinach, olive oil
• 1 slice texas toast, 1 boca griller
• big bowl of chocolate peanut butter ice cream
  

Food Diary-Day 3

• bagel w/ moderate serv of cream cheese
• coffee w/ splenda and a splash of FF half and half
• home made noodle soup made with 1 chopped carrot, a handful of chopped broccoli, water, veg bullion, 1 T peanut oil, a couple splashes of teryaki sauce, and a package of tofu noodles (and yes, I ate the whole pan!)
• smoothie made with a whole banana, orange, 5-6 strawberries, 3/4 c LF vanilla yogurt, 10-12 ice cubes, split between 2 people
• 1 special K granola bar
• 1/3 bag of frito corn chips
• 2 sploppy joes, 2/3 c peas w/ moderate portion of earth balance spread
  
• a bowl of peanut butter and chocolate ice cream (Darn you Tillamook for being on sale! We must get married in another life!)

Sorry for not posting yesterday! I was busy getting ready for my mom's visit!

Food Diary-Day 2

• ~1 c multi-grain cheerios with ~1 c light vanilla soy milk (ahh yes everything is eye balled here)
  
• 2/3 c unsweetened canned peaches (hey, I'm out of fresh fruit and was too tired to go to the store last night)
• 4 c coffee with 2 T splenda and 2 splashes of light vanilla soy milk (I completely forgot to put that on yesterdays--though it has a minimal amount of calories...)
• ~1-1 1/2 c of left broc/rice cass from last night, 2/3 c pureed pumpkin w/ 1 t smart balance, and 3/4 c frozen green beans
• 1 special K granola bar
• PB & J made with 2 slices multi grain bread, regular PB and apricot jam
• 1 package of these hazelnut chocolate bars I came across at the store. The package looked like it could possibly be related to Nutella (=heaven). bows head. It's a serious weakness, I know. Shall I put my hand out for you to smack?
  

**Edit**

• bowl of peanut butter chocolate ice cream (i needed it, I swear)
  

So I weighed myself this morning, aye ye ye. Really scale, are you sure about that? I mean I know I've been lazy lately but that can't surely be the current number. Can you find it in your heart for anything less? Just to make me feel slightly better about myself? No? Fine then.




I think I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.

Food Diary-Day 1

• 1 sarah lee cranberry orange bagel with ~2 T weight watchers whipped cream cheese
• smoothie made with 1 banana, 1 orange, 4-5 small strawberries, 6 ice cubes 2/3 c low fat vanilla yogurt
• 1 c (uncooked) whole wheat pasta topped with 1/3 c creamy roasted red pepper alfredo sauce, a good handful of raw broccoli florets, 10-ish grape tomatoes
• handful of terra chips
• 1 1/2-2 c of my very own broccoli rice cheese casserole made with unbleached long grain rice, frozen chopped broco, a can of condensed broc/cheddar soup, and cheese

**EDIT**

• 4 5 vegan pumpkin muffins (nugget's recipe) through out the day
• handful of semi sweet chocolate chips
  

The End.

One step forward, two steps back

Isn't that saying supposed to go the other way around? I've forgotten over the years...but I honestly feel like that's what this whole thing is. As soon as I feel like I've accomplished something I fall backwards and find myself 1 step behind where I began. I managed to get in 3 walks/hikes last week. I feel like after having to work away from home the week before, I'm having the darnedest time getting back into my groove. I had a really good routine down, at least it was for me. Now I'm seriously struggling getting it back. Who knew one week would throw me for such a loop?

I didn't weigh myself this morning. Honestly I forgot and was way too disoriented before I hoped in the shower. Alas I will try to remember tomorrow morning to do it, but I'm scared of what the scale will say.

I didn't reach last week's goal again. I have the hardest time on the weekends. I don't know what it is about weekends that makes it hard on for me to fulfill a regular eating schedule. I did sit on my duff most of the weekend. Ahhhh where did my motivation go?

Week 6 goal: Maintain a food diary for the week in which I record every morsel that enters my mouth. I also have to give nightly updates on here. I mean what's the point unless everyone out holds me to it, right? Right.

On a side note, the complex changed the pool hours to 10 am-5:30 pm. I guess there were complaints of rowdy conduct. That's just fantastic. Especially since it was a nice relief from the heat. I guess there's no more evening swims with T. Bah Humbug.

Perseverance

I'm so freaking frustrated at this point! I've lost. I've gained. I've lost. I've gained...Now I weigh 1/2 pound more than when I started. How does that happen??? Oh yeah, I know how, not completing my goals! What's my deal? Am I falling off the band wagon after a month? I think I lost my mojo. The last week has been so discouraging. I've already ruined my monthly goal. It was such a bad idea waiting until I had three days left in the week to fit in all I needed to do. But alas, I will persevere and continue working on my monthly goal despite feeling like I've failed. If I throw in the towel because I slipped than it's lose lose. Just because one week was wrecked doesn't mean this week or the one after, etc will be bad either. I still can't believe I gained it all back and then some! That part just doesn't make any since to me. I've been working out for weeks now, how discouraging! But like I said, I'm going to fight back, gosh darn it!

Ok, we're going to try this one more time. third time's the charm, right?
Week 5 goal: consume 5 fruits/veggies a day for 6 out of 7 days.
I think I was making it too hard on myself.

And a reminder of what my monthly goal is: 5, 30 minute sessions of continuous activity and 3, 10 minute ab workouts.

...I think I can I think I can I think I can....

Week 4 already?

Ok, so I've been avoiding this place all week. I don't even know where to begin....
Well, last week was an awesome week, until shit hit the fan Saturday involving my future brother-in-law and my job. It didn't begin with my job but he used it against me anyhow. The event was crushing and overwhelming, needless to say it ruined my whole week as far as fruits and veggies go. I managed to complete my week on Sunday even though I fucked it up Saturday. A feat in and of itself. But because the goal was 7 out of 7 days I cannot reward myself because of that one horrible day. This week's goal is: eat 3 servings each of fruit and vegetables 6 out of 7 days. I think I was setting myself up to fail by making the goal for every day of the week...

My monthly goal is going good so far. I'm a bit behind this week as I haven't done any ab workouts. Due to the "circumstances" I'm currently not working at home. I know its not a great excuse, but I had made it a part of my daily routine, not evening routine...anyway I still have time to squeeze them all in by Sunday night.

I can't believe I've made it this far. I heard on the radio the other morning that it takes our minds and bodies 6 months to make exercise a regular part of our lives. Wow. That just seems so hard to accomplish, but if I take it one day, one week, one month at a time, I can make it a part of my life.

Well I'm out, the spinach and tomato salad I ate for dinner gave me a tummy ache for some reason.

Week 3 already?

My battery and arm band came in, now I can go on walks jammin to some tunes! Now I just need to reinstall the software for the player. Hmm I wonder where that could be...

I forgot to weigh myself this morning, I had to shuffle out the door unexpectedly and by the time I got back I had drank coffee. I fairly certain that I gained a pound or 2 back. I've been pretty bloated I'm pretty sure the weight I lost last week was water weight. I didn't do so hot last week. I was feeling down on myself and didn't have much motivation. Also, with T's dad around, I was afraid to get caught mid work out and I CANNOT work out in front of anybody. I don't even like it when T sees me work out. Funny though, I can work out at a gym, just not in front of any body at home. I guess I just feel more vulnerable.

On to the goals:

Week 2 goal: not met :( See above for my excuses. :/
Month 1 goal: completed and rewarded for. I can't wait to try out my new flat iron tomorrow morning! I had no idea what I was doing when I picked one out, I hope it lives up to my expectations.

Now since I didn't complete last week's goal and I feel as though I should have, I just didn't make the effort, I'm going to make it this month's goal.

Month 2: Complete 30 minutes of physical activity 5 days out of 7 and 10 minutes of abdominal exercises 3 out of 7 days per week. Reward: New hiking/running shoes. I saw a pair I liked at Marshals for 25-30$.
Week 3: Consume 3 servings each of fruits and vegetables every day of the week. Reward: I think I'm gonna stick with the starbucks tall sugar free fat free hazelnut mocha. mmm mmm.

Holding up

Man I felt like crud today. I could barely bring myself out of bed this morning. I felt no drive to do anything to do with healthy living. I honestly didn't eat much today, but what I ate wasn't exactly the best choices, minus the salad, carrots, and hummus I ate after my walk (think: doritos, banana bread, chocolate chips, and more banana bread). I think part of my blah-ness had to do with getting to bed late last night (damn dorito's quest!) and not going on a walk yesterday. I finally got around to doing my first ab workout of the week. AT 6:45 pm. The workout I chose was a bit too advanced for me, so I just ended up doing my old school crunch routine from my college days. I do however feel 10 fold better after the fact. That just goes to show that working out does more than shape your body, it shapes your mood, too! I think next week I might mix up my walks with a little cardio on the t.v. I'm not sure what my exact goals will be. All I know is that I sit too much on my rump during the day!

I can't wait until my new battery and arm band arrive for my Creative Labs Zen Micro. It sure will make working out a little bit easier. I just hope the new battery is all it needs to work. Otherwise I think I may have to invest in a new mp3 player *crosses fingers* and I really don't need another thing to buy!

It's not getting any easier

Grrr Emilie brought me burger ville for lunch today. That means it's only the second day into the week, and I can't have fast food for the rest of it. I guess this is a reminder that every week is going to be different and that just because the previous week was easy doesn't mean this one will be. But really, in any weight loss program the second week is always harder, at least it is for me. This is the point at which I usually fall off the band wagon. Not this time though, as tough as it may get, I owe this to myself. I'm going to stick with it. I have too. I'm in a race with myself and I'm determined to beat that "other side." I can honestly say my life depends on it. It's really not my goal in life to die at 45 with a heart attack and type II diatebes. Perhaps a little over exagerated, but heart disease runs in the family, and so does high cholesterol. My grandfather died last year with heart disease, type II, and advanced emphysema. My mother also had a small heart attack in her mid forties. I do not want to that to be my fate.

Begin Week 2

Wow! I can't believe I lost 2 1/2 pounds in the first week! I really didn't expect that. Who knew simply talking 5, 1/2 hour walks and significantly decreasing eating out would help me lose that.

Week 1 goal: accomplished!
Month 1 goal: so far so good! I gave in to Taco Bell yesterday, while running errands, the only time I ate fast food last week.

So, lets move on to week 2: incorporate 3, 10 minute ab workouts while maintaining my 5, 30 minute walks. Now that we have cable again, I can access FitTV on demand, which has many different workouts to choose from, including ab workouts.

My reward will be a tall nonfat sugar free, hazelnut mocha from Starbucks. Mmm that sounds so good! I haven't picked out my flowers for accomplishing my goal for week 1. I should make a point to do that today.

Even though I still feel tired, although I think that could have a direct relationship with sleeping patterns of late, I do feel as though I have more energy. I'm doing better with keeping up with household maintenance, which is something I'm not all that great at. Mostly because I'm too lazy to do it. But I'm learning that there's something to say about having a clean and organized home. It's actually a lot easier to be lazy and more enjoyable to sit back because when i look around I see clean and organized instead of clutter and messiness. I love that I know where things are when I go to look for them. You know I read somewhere that there is a correlatoin between people's messy homes and their weight. As you can imagine, they found that people with messy and cluttered homes had a tendency to be over weight. My question is, what came first, the messiness or being over weight? I've been obese since I was 5. I do remember that growing up, my room was overwhelmingly messy. Really, though, I think the point they were trying to make is when we let ourselves go in one faucet of our lives, we have a tendency to let ourselves go in all faucets of our life. On the other side of that, I think that if you start to pull yourself together with say, exercising, everything else falls into to place as well. You start to take care of every part of your life. You find the motivation for everything, not just one thing. That's not to say it happens over night, but I've noticed that every day I put more effort in another thing that I previously did not. In the end, I think you want your surroundings to match your life style. If you feel you have it all together, you want your life look put together.

Alright, I think it's time to get off my butt and go for a walk. Happy week 2!

Blah.

Well today was fairly uneventful. I had the day off, as we were supposed to be going on a big camping trip, but it got canceled due to the cruddy weather. I ended up sitting on the couch the majority of the day and watching tv/fiddling with my wii. I didn't go on a walk. It rained most of the day and was cooold. Although I did talk my self out of DQ again. We were leaving D & Em's after dinner/poker and I brought it up with T. I said that if we went tonight we wouldn't be able to the rest of the weekend. I really wanted it but I made the executive decision and decided not to in case we find ourselves in a position that we don't have a choice. I am very proud of myself to come to this conclusion. The old me would say oh well, but the new me says plan ahead. You can have a fudge-cicle when you get home. Can you tell I'm craving DQ hard core? It's mostly because we don't have sonic and its the next best thing. I haven't been this close to a DQ since I left KC. That's almost 2 years! I know eventually I'm going to give into my craving. I can't stop thinking about it...I just have so many good memories attached to that particular item. Most of them are associated with my sister, but there are also a few involving friends in high school. You know those ones that actually don't involve drama or hard feelings. Just pure happiness.

I digress.

I still have 2 more days to get in my walk. Maybe I should walk to the grocery store to buy my flowers. Does that work? It's probably about 15-20 minutes one way...so if I walk there and back, I'll rock it! Sweet!

Just a side note, I just watched this older guy play a turkey baster on Jay Leno. I mean play. Similar to this minus the "over the shoulder bastor holder": Musical Turkey Bastor.

One step closer

So far, so good. I've completed 4 out of 5 walks, with 3 more days left! Today I even walked in the rain. Mind you, it hadn't rained all day until I went outside to take a walk! But I forged through, baby and all.

Don't misunderstand my eating well. I'm only eating better. I am eating a balanced meal versus a bag of doritos. I eat 2 seperate snacks in the afternoons. (Hey, T hasn't been home before 8:30 3 out of 4 nights this week!) I sneak silly things. I still eat too much cheese (I ate an extra slice while preparing my lunch today) and find things like bags of gherradeli milk chocolate chips in my "baking cupboard." But! I did make it through the grocery store tonight with out picking up a "snack" as I often do. I admit it here and now. I often hunt down the perfect "cheat" when I'm at the grocery store. This usually happens when I shop hungry. I will scour the bakery or cookie isle or check out lane to find that one sweet chocolaty thing that will quench my craving. My favorite? The fresh chocolate éclairs from the the bakery. Or a pack of Oreo cakesters. Those are pretty much a little piece of heaven. Today though, I made it out of there with out them. I bought a can of Pillsbury orange cinna rolls, with the excuse of T's dad coming. Gotta make sure we keep Big B happy! Naw, I just thought it would be a nice treat for everyone and T is always begging asking for them. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. Hey, at least I had a coupon!

Ugh. That's really what this whole thing is about, well at least half of it, anyway. It's all excuses. I can't do this because of this. Why do this today when I can do it tomorrow. I need this because...I didn't do it yesterday, who should I do it today (or I ate this yesterday, why not today?) You get the idea. All that combined with the emotional/confidence factor is a recipe for disaster. You saw those pictures, I posted right? That's exactly where you end up, and I don't ever want to be there again!

I decided to change the reward for my weekly goal. Who needs nail polish when there are beautiful fresh cut flowers? I would much rather have a beautiful bouquet on my new kitchen table to gaze at than paint on my nails! Flowers make me happy and that's what I really need in my life right now! Though I should do some research and find out what are some hearty local flowers around here.

This whole reward system is kinda hard to pin down. We're still trying to iron out the kinks. Nugget and I discussed it and and came to the conclusion that coffee (ie: starbucks, coffee bean) and smoothy (jamba juice, juice stop) shops do count as rewards as long as we stick with the smallest option (tall, 12 oz, etc) and make it healthy like non fat or sugar free.

I'm so impatient! I want to see where I'm at at day 28. I want to reward myself with that flat iron! I think I may actually be having fun with this. Oh, and I haven't eaten out once this week! I'm trying really hard to make a home cooked meal every night. In a moment of weakness I almost succumbed to my chocolate covered cherry in chocolate ice cream blizzard craving from Diary Queen, but I turned the opposite direction and drove to a park to take a walk instead. Did I mention that my moment of weakness was due to my inability to find the store i was looking for? I often give in to the dark side out of frustration, anger or shame.

Wow, every time I try to wrap up this post, I think of something else. Alright. I'm over and out.

Finally, pictures!

I'm definitely in a better mood today, than yesterday. Though the baby sure was trying my patience this morning. I had Tony snap a few pics last night as we were going to bed. He wasn't at all excited about it...he had just laid down when I caught him off guard. Oops! I took a few myself just now, standing in front of the mirror.


These are not great my any means! But they're the best I could do.

Side View

Front View

Saggy Arm!


Sleepy Man

Ick, look at those big stretch marks! I'm so ashamed of them. Most of the upper ones are new this year. Yikes. Just looking at those pictures disgusts me. How can I love myself when I think I look disgusting?

I've made it to the third day. So far, so good. After a phone call from Nugget yesterday, we decided that since it was the first month, we were allowed one mistake. But after that, no rewards! Speaking of rewards, I keep forgetting to post mine!

Week 1: new nail polish
Month 1: a flat iron for my hair

These are things I wouldn't ordinarily buy for myself. I really really want a flat iron, I've never had one, and I think I wouldn't hate my hair so much if I used one. As for the nail polish, I thought that would be fun (and maybe prevent me from biting my nails)!

Although I wasn't going to work too hard at eating better this month, I find myself doing it naturally. I think it's mostly because I want to succeed, and I do enjoy fruits and vegetables. Probably more than the average person, actually. Being a veggie and understanding nutrition, I have come to love eating them. I don't think I've met a fruit or veggie I don't like. I take that back. I don't like the Asian pears. Those were just weird. I still eat a lot of carbs though. They're just so yummy in my tummy! One thing at a time, Katie, one thing at a time.

Day 2

Day 1 went awesome! I took the baby for a half hour walk around the block and the weather was great (not too hot). At least it wasn't too hot outside. Our apartment is a whole other story!

I wasn't able to get the pictures taken because FH got home late and by the time dinner eaten and cleaned up, it was 9:30. Or plop on the couch time. We gotta get it done tonight, though. I'm already on day 2 and I want the pictures to be true to my start weight.

I did take my measurements this morning, though. That's a hard task when you don't have someone to do it for you, like when you're getting fitted for say a wedding dress ;). It's hard to determine the exact position of your waist, hips, etc when you're looking down. Here they are:

Waist=44" Arms=16"
Apex=52.25" Chest=41.25"
Hips=53.5" Breasts=47.5"
Thighs=29.75" Under breasts=42.5"

I'm defining the "apex" as the midpoint between waist and hips, aka, around the belly roughly across the belly button. I mostly did this because there's just so much fat on my body and I wanted to be as accurate as possible. I realized halfway that I was holding my breath, and therefore sucking it in a bit so I had to start over again. Like I said, it was a frustrating task when you do it yourself.

I quit saying my affirmations at some point last night while falling asleep and today I'm feeling it. I guess thats just more proof of why their worth it. I feel groggy, it was hard to wake up, etc. Which will undoubtedly leave me in a grumpy and impatient mood through out the day. Perhaps i should set a goal at some point to incorporate night time and morning affirmations into my day. But the whole point of this program is to set small goals in an effort to not overwhelm ourselves. Too much too soon seems to be a major pitfall for us.

Oh, and I made a new ticker because the website I was using didn't seem to work correctly. I bought a digi scale at target the other day because our old analog didn't seem to be calculating accurately. I apparently don't weigh 230, so I have 90.5 lbs to lose, not 100. Is it weird that I was disappointed I only had 90 to go? I liked the way 100 pounds lost, sounded!




I hope that works!

Here we go!

Day 1, Week 1, Month 1

That was fun to say!

I'm going to start this program optimistically with a sprinkling of realism. I had a hard time choosing a goal for month 1. Since we're just getting started and I would rather not set myself up to feel that I've failed in the 1st month, I'm not going to choose a number, but rather a habit. I was originally going to focus soley on getting my butt moving this month and eating next month, but I decided to mix it up a bit. So are you ready to hear my goals?

Month 1 Goal: Limit fast food intake to once a week.
Week 1 Goal: Go on a 30 minute walk 5 days out of 7

We ate fast food A LOT this weekend. Heck we've been going a little crazy with easy access to burger king and taco bell since we've moved up here (which are pretty much the only veg-head friendly joints out there). With Tony's dad coming on Friday and my family coming in June, it will be a challenge. It will take a little planning ahead, but I'm ready to take it on. As far as going on walks is concerned, I don't think it will be a problem. I have to get used to the fact it rains here. A lot. And if I want to get some activity outside I have to get used to doing that in the rain. It's supposed to rain off and on all week, but at least it will be in the 60's. Which will be refreshing after the 98 degree days . We bought a car seat and snap n go stroller over the weekend which will make it that much easier to get outside. No excuses!

I will try to post pictures and measurements tonight, after the FH gets home from work. If not, they'll be up tomorrow morning.

In it for the long haul...

I've been putting a lot of thought into this 'project.' I desperately want need this to work this time. No more yo-yo dieting or use of 'weight loss aides.' All those things do is shoot your self steam up with short term results then let it fall to the floor with the long term. All that really does is encourage your failings at losing weight and you end up right where you began: over weight and unhappy. I don't want to be that person any more!

I want to be happy again. I want to love and accept myself for who I am. And I don't respect myself for being this weight! I know I can do better than this. I know because I've been there before. When I was in high school I dropped something like 40-50 pounds. I think I bottomed out at 135-140, but it was for the sake of my heath. I mastered the skill of not eating in order to reach that point. Although I went about it the entirely wrong way, I do know from that experience that it is possible for my body to reach that weight. It will be a lot harder this time because of several factors: I'm older, the weight's been there longer, I don't have the resources I've had in the past, my schedule works against me. But I'm going to stand up against all of those and prove to myself that I can find a happy place within myself.

One of my biggest fears is to show up to my 10 year high school reunion weighing more than I did when I graduated. I wore a size 12 when I graduated. I borderline a 20 now. WOAH. That reunion is not as far off in the future as it once was. I can't believe I graduated from high school 6 years ago. There's also my wedding that is on an undetermined date, 2009. I want to feel like a princess on that day. Isn't that ever woman's dream? I won't feel confident if I continue on the path I'm currently on.

So it's time. To do this. It's time to change. Myself. And my ways.

Start

So here's the deal. A friend (who wishes to remain anonymous) and I have decided to create our own weight loss program. Each week we will be setting 1 goal for ourselves as well as one goal a month. Our reward system will be contingent on meeting our weekly and monthly goals. No reward shall be in the form of food. Our goals can be anything that revolves around weight loss/exercise/food and any other thing that involves healthy living. Most weeks our goals will be different from each other but our ultimate goal is the same: lose the weight, keep it off.

I'll try to post my weight loss ticker with my weekly updates.
http://www.tickercentral.com/view/9pmq/1.png

I hope you follow me on my journey to lose 100 pounds.

You can find Nugget's blog here: nuggets weight loss quest